I once heard: A Man is known by the Friends he keeps! Till date it was an illusion of life that made me rethink that maybe this proverb held true in the upper echelons of society, but today as I reach the pinnacle of my Age where in I have a duty and responsibility to understand and eminently perform the vast amount roles I am assigned as an individual, I realize but one thing: If you ever have to keep friends, keep those who may not die for you, but who surely would kill!!!
There are basically three phases of my life where in I can translate three important points to suit those occasion and in general the lessons learnt from them. Let me begin and open up my diary online today. Solely the truth (People might seriously get hurt here)
Lesson # 1: There is not a single person in the world who has had to fight his own fight when a kid, and if at all there was any, he still had someone behind to back up his balls in case of Emergency. So Lesson # 1 holds.
Since the beginning of my time in this world, I have had been brought up as a kid learning to avoid fights, remain unharmed and get his parents to help for every other thing a normal kid would lose his temper for. With time that became my trademark to be a punch bag and mama’s boy for a reason completely oblivious to my Child-mind during that time and the teens, who were my so called friends during those years, who knew what was happening and perhaps had themselves been through it, but too afraid to tell anyone and bring out their past to haunt them again. They found all the ways to intimidate me and try to make me feel as a biggest loser on the planet with only my parents backing me up on trivia and serious issues. (this being the time of my major accidents and loss of a spec-free eye-sight as well).
Lesson # 2: The best role played by any human being is the self-played role of himself. The minute he tries to walk in someone else’s shoes is the time he has lost his dignity.
By the time I was schooling, I had known enough things to understand how friendship works and what kind of people process what kind of thoughts and who actually get influenced by it. Having an Older Brother always helped me gain an advantage over most of the things, but not always all the things, since anything I did was considered to be of the naïve attitude in comparison to the same shit being termed as manly by others (Support for Supremacy always counts). I happen to make a lot of friends undoubtedly because I was only good to them and a little short tempered on my own end, which was a topic of discussion and many other things incompatible with the strong ones of the tribe to talk about, and those were undoubtedly my friends then as well. Turmoil of self-confidence was still a budding factor and was absent when there were rough times and I was asked to be a Rambo for all. When there were times to have fun outside School or any plans being made, I was a ‘thing’ thought of as an option to be either called or avoided. The major question was : Who would do the dirty work? And for what? (remember not all had the same opinion but not all could speak either). So it was always one of my best buddies whom I considered to be the one to tell me a convincing story to not be there and understand him. Of course I did! With time it so turned out that I was neither in nor out of the tribe, and at times had to question my authenticity as their friend or their authenticity as my friend. There were no regrets from either sides, since no body knew and nobody cared. But there was inconsistency and insecurity everywhere (uninvited birthdays, outings and other crappy meaningless-to-write stuff was completely taken seriously and made an issue out of). Trying to be one of them did not help me and I found my own way in the world. The College and Bachelors post the school gave immense satisfaction of the fact that I did something without anyone’s advice or consent.
Lesson # 3: There is nothing like true friends; it’s a myth and will always be! Stand up for yourself and throw the ones that hurt you; the earlier the better!!
This was one lesson I learnt only after I was completely stuck into it. Never got a chance to amend it or even bother to be open and talk in the face of the bitches who spoiled it for me. My College for Bachelors in IT was a pleasant one till it started affecting my relationship and academics, thanks to the quality friends made in the process and the same people who backstabbed when times of accountability as friends came by. And all this was because I was being simple and straight to one of the fellow who turned out to be my bum-chum! things were not worse till the time Exams used to come and there was group study where it was seen that I was amongst the isolated ones, things of utter trivia or importance were kept for the toppers and nerds or the ones who were the woman-clickers. The fights that arose between me and my then better-half did no subside due to this but only ignited bitter memories ending in a lot of things including my relationship, which also came along with reasoning of me not being self-sustained and mis-understood and many other acronyms. I was pulled out of the important pieces and kept as a shadow for many others. Making someone feel good when they are already low on some other reasons never help, and the best part is , people do who try it do not know the pain either. Some were fed, while others made up their minds to disbelieve that there can be some one who would not want to fit in when he can stand out of the rest and that was nothing but humiliation for them. There were rolling eyes when I scored my eventual 2nd class in the final semester. The world never gets happier for anyone’s success they say, even if the synergy of successes for the former is higher than this miniscule piece of success I may have derived once in my life. I still tried to mend things with the people I cared about the most and tried to get out of reach of those whom I felt would only be a reason for the doom of many others. It so happens that when there are multiple linkages attached to the same thread, and maybe you want to cut off a thread intertwined with the bad one, sometimes the clothes can loosen up and that’s a bad art to make clothe, instead let that thread remain and do with it somehow. Till date, honestly that’s what I have been doing since there are times when I find peace when the thread loosens up and is about to break, but other times the same thread comes along with another thicker thread, oblivious of the former’s devilry. The question I asked myself was: Am I now capable of handling this after 7 years of disgrace that the same people caused to my life when in college. The Answer was pretty instant.
Life comes in all forms. And its never a Destination; it’s the path that needs to be walked upon. And the Learnings it gives. I got mine in the long run. There may be disappointments, but no regrets, since I now know, who stand for me and who do not even care whether I am standing in this world or not! The irony of the situation is – whether or not I try, I have to face them everyday of my life, store their contacts in my list and be good to them even if I don’t intend to and instead live as if I am mentally at peace after meeting them. But yes, the sense of security it personally gives to me knowing that I now know how to handle which piece of the thread of the clothe and when to stretch it to threaten break loose in case of a severe travesty and disdain on my dignity from their side. :)
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